Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Delhi Laws

I got these from a friend of mine from Delhi. You don't have to be from Delhi to appreciate them, but it sure will help. (Some of these are universal and are valid across India). The 12 Rules of Delhi
  1. The Other Side Law : If my side of the road has a traffic jam, then I can start driving on the wrong side of the road, and all incoming cars will be rerouted via Meerut.
  2. The Queue Nahin Rule : If there is a queue of many people, no one will notice me sneaking into the front as long as I am looking the other way.
  3. The Mind Over Matter Law : If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can easily pass through one another.
  4. The Auto Axiom: If I indicate which way I am going to turn my auto rickshaw, it is an information security leak.
  5. The In Spit Of Thing: The more I lean out of my car or bus, and the harder I spit, the stronger the roads become.
  6. The Cinema Hall Fact: If I get a call on my mobile phone, the film automatically goes into pause mode.
  7. The Brotherhood Law: If I want to win an argument, I need only to repeatedly suggest that the other person has illicit relations with his sister or mother.. .
  8. The Baraat Right: When I'm on the road to marriage, all the roads in the city belong to me.
  9. The Heart Of Things: If I open enough buttons on my shirt, the pretty girl at the bus stop can see through my hairy chest into the depths of my soul.
  10. Parking Up The Wrong Tree: When I double-park my car, the road automatically widens so that the traffic is not affected.
  11. The Chill Bill Move: When I park and block someone else's car I am giving him a chance to pause, relax, chill and take a few moments off from his rushed day.
  12. The Brrrrp Break: The louder I burp in a public place; the more it helps other people digest their food.


Akilan said...

Funny... And unfortunately true.

AMOK said...

Very apt!

"Zebra Crossing": Municipal vehicular assault zone.

"Bus Stop": No buses may stop within five meters of this.

"No Entry": Vehicular shortcut

Anonymous said...

> (Some of these are universal and are valid across India).

Chennai has a few more which seem to be unique to Chennai:

Bus stop enough:
It is perfectly reasonable for MTC to create bus stops at a major crossing since the bus has to slow down for a signal anyway. Moreover, this is convenient for the passengers who can access all corners of the crossing with too much walking.

Global Village:
The road passing by my village has become a four-lane highway but I can still safely stroll across it to get the superior chai on the opposite side.

(W)Hol(el)y (w)hole-some:
If there is a major festival coming up then I can make a hole in the road to plant a shamiana or a god-in-lights. Those two-wheeler riders who get injured because of the resulting pot-hole will have that particular god's-blessings for ever.

AMOK said...

Sire Rahul, your blog has begun to sound like the US Republican Party -- a bunch of old school chums heartily agreeing with each other and saying how bad the proles are. Allow me to offer an alternative and possibly acerbic point of view.

It seems to me that Indians are the most self-deprecating people in the world, especially ones educated in elite public schools and colleges. Except that these elitist folk do not think they are being self-deprecating but feel like they are snickering at those other than themselves. In the eyes of the rest of the world though, the chaos-wielding junta is only an extension of the java-wielding programmer or the steel wielding Mittal, the two are one and the same, two sides of the same coin. Admit it, none of the eminent bloggers here EVER obey anything like the "Delhi Laws". Or do they? Why not? Do not need to, being elite and not having to stand in the Queue Nahin? Have they ever talked to a scooter driver who eats heat and dust and sound kicks on the rump from potholes? Do they understand why s/he is so erratic? Do they know burping is REQUIRED in some cultures and is understood to be a polite appreciation of good cuisine? Do they know that, as do joggers, bus riders must spit -- or swallow the grime they filter from the air? No. They ride their a/c cars, secure parking spots, chaprasi Queue Nahin's, drivers and yes, hairless chests and freely deprecate their own, snickering unknowingly at their own reflection.